Mrs Dalloway owes me Advil

Sure i've gotten a headache for thinking to much, but having to listen to the thoughts of multiple characters will do the trick too. I dont mind the stream-of-consciousness technique, I've used it myself, but i limit it to one character. I dont really understand Mrs. Dalloway enough to appreciate it yet. Its a challenge. I have to put the pieces together myself...and its no mystery puzzle....its just a "ok whats going on" puzzle. The different perspectives of the story are interesting, but it is so hard to keep up with. I think the perspectives mimics reality; we all probably think just like that....incomplete thoughts but we know what we're talking about.

The Dead

That was the first of anything ive ever read by James Joyce and honestly it was hard to get to the end. I was incredibly bored until the last 1/3 of it. I had no idea where it was going, and maybe that was the point. Everything seemed so ordinary as it was for Gabriel. And then at the end I'm hit with Gabriels sudden anticipation and passion for his wife. Im not completely sure how Gabriel changed by the end of the story, but atleast i think his character changed in that we see a new side of him because we couldnt have really expected it the way the story was going. I'd probably have to read it through a couple more times to get any real appreciation for it, or basically just to understand it more.

Taking chances

Before I read "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock", I had been thinking about taking chances myself. I dont really take enough....atleast the everyday kind of opportunities...that...who knows?...could have turned out far greater than that. I have finally figured out what i want to do with my life...and i have been trying to figure out a way to go about getting there. In my position it would be stepping outside my comfort zone, and the norm around here. Its not a career that i am personally familiar with, because no one around me has ever taken that career path. I am having to go about it all on my own, and its kind of scary. People tell me I am one thing, and then when they hear me say what i really want to do, they question me like they've never done before. "You should be an artist though, you're good at that", "You should be a geologist like me. Starting pay for someone like you would be very high,"...and not just questions like that...but i've never been grilled so much as if my family doesnt believe i will stick with this decision...as if its just another career choice phase.

I'm glad i read this poem. It put my choices into perspective for me. I love life...i believe the speaker of the poem did too and longed to do much more with it...i think he saw more potential in it than doing the same thing every day, and following the norm...I need to do more with life. It is too routine for me right now. Lately i do notice the things i do every single day that make it seem like im not really progressing towards anything...if i were like this the rest of my life...it would be sad to suddenly realize how old i am like the speaker did.

Yeats, and alittle old business

Even though I probably suffered through Great Expectations in highschool, I've made my peace with it officially. It really is rich in language, and I thought it was really humorous the way it was written. I dont think it was blatently funny, but the "matter o factly" tone in which Pip's observations were made, made it funny for me. i dont know if anyone else feels the same.

The world needs plenty of Joes.

Well, moving on from that book now, I think I have enjoyed Yeats more than the other authors we've covered, even though I dont really know what I think about "Sailing to Byzantium." Its one of those i read over and over again, not to read between the lines or what not, but just to comprehend what I just read. I still liked it though. For me, Yeats is just one of those authors that can just imprint some kind of feeling in me in anything he writes. i might not know the feeling. I might not know what i just read. But I like the feeling that lingers.

Hm...to tap into alittle old business. . .Frankenstein. A friend of mine came up from Tulsa this weekend with her new boyfriend, and he was inquiring a bit about my major. i got on the subject of Frankenstein and my disappointment. Ok first i have never seen any Frankenstein movie but Young Frankenstein and bits and pieces of the one from the 90's (i think). BUT what thing that prevails every time is the creation scene. . .big dusty lab, lightening, Igor, giant switches and such...big moment in the original movie I'm sure. . .anyway that really didnt exist in the book at all and i was incredibly disappointed. I felt the book went from explaining the Docs anticipation, his experiment is on the table, the monster moves, and the doc is outta there. Microscopic suspense. Hollywood just had to do alittle fill in, and it turned into the most infamous part of the story did it not?

I wrote my friend an email to show her what i meant. She thought it was hilarious, so I just feel like blogging it too. Yes its stupid. . .but i still think its funny. Just keep in mind I hadn't finished the book yet.

"It was on a dreary night of November that i beheld the accomplishment of my toils. with an anxiety that almost amounted to agony, i collected the instruments of life around me, that i might infuse a spark of being into the lifeless thing that lay at my feet. it was already one in the morning; the rain pattered dismally against the panes, and my candle was nearly burnt out, when, by the glimmer of the half-extinguished light, i saw the dull yellow eye of the creature open; it breathed hard and a convulsive motion agitated its limbs.

Then I ran away like a wuss, cuz 'it breathed hard' and convulsed, and I'm too mentally unstable to own up to my dumbass mistakes right now. How did i not FORESEEEEEE that i really didnt want to father something that had DIED not too long ago, and that was intentionally made to be 8 ft large everything. It was scary. I ran away. My career is ruined. The end."

Great Expectations

When I read this in highschool, i didnt really care for it...ok well in highschool the only thing i cared about were my day dreams. I've tried hard to suppress them since but its. . .well, hard. This time around, i've noticed more i didnt before, because I have a new perspective on literature as a writer myself. I don't think that i could ever be that detailed in a novel. Honestly i dont really want to write a novel nearly 500pgs long. But i really enjoy Dicken's (as Pip) commentary on all walks of life. I've actually found plenty of it humorous, and that was unexpected.

I've realized how much i hate people who are so arrogant they're blind. I feel sorry for Pip and I'm not too bothered by the fact that he thinks he should rise up through the classes. . .god knows he didnt get any respect before he had money. So sad though he was so determined for getting what he wanted he was naive. And poor Joe. . .unhappy marraige, and his best friend (Pip) walks out of his life. He's the most selfless and content character, but if there is one character i pity as much is Estella. I believe she'd have to start her whole life over to figure out who she really is. Who would she have become if she wasnt part of Havisham's dark and pathetic plan?

Ah, romance

Ive never defined romance before today, nor have i needed to. when i think something is romantic it is just that. When i read Elizabeth Browing's "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. . ." I had to really think about what traditional expressions of romance really is. Saying "i love you" everyday, or often, becomes casual, and even so I could say "Aw he is just romantic like that." But its really not...there is no fire when he would say that daily, and there is no fire when i would think he's being romantic...casual phrase...casual response...a smile is wonderful to have everyday, and love is even more wonderful to feel everyday...but anything "every day" lacks a fiery passion, and thats why romance isnt thought of as an "every day" item. its special and it shouldnt be thought of as a everyday thing...and if it happend every day...it wouldnt be romantic after a while would it? So i have defined the expression of romantic love to contain sexual love, exitement, glamour, and expectations...

That poem above was endearing but didnt in anyway satisfy that romantic need. Its lovely, its desired, and even if it is passionate and desired it doesnt have to be expressed with exitement, expectations...sexual love. It can be written by a romantic, but there is a clear difference between the endearing side of love and a romantic side. If you want to call something romantic, hopefully it had made ur blood pressure level rise. I think that poem was more soothing than anything...if your spouse tells you anything like that, i could imagine your two hearts should beat as one, and not as if you just ran a marathon.

I think the most ideal love is endearing love, because its more likely to exist every day of your life.

Frankenstein

Im glad im finally going to know the real story of Frankenstein...all that talk we've been having of what Frankentstein is to pop culture is making me all the more curious because im consciously aware now how silly Frankentstein really is to Halloween, movies, etc. If the book had been recently written, i dont think it would have been any bit controversial. Fiction today has taken hundreds and hundreds of directions. I'd certainly like to rave over fiction again, instead of hearing constantly about biographies, memoirs, political novels, anything from Oprah's book club...i need some good old fashion classic literature. Honestly the only places i hear about the classics are in my english classes. I just dont see them around anywhere else...sometimes in movies...but so many are so altered its disappointing...like Dracula. Not one movie has done the book justice. "Bram Stoker's Dracula" is not Bram Stoker's Dracula. Major plot alteration. Today we're making these classic horror stories so cheesy. I'd like to see them represented in their true form. I cant help but think Boris Karloff when i think Frankenstein. I dont consider the question of reanimation of life, I dont consider the different perceptions of what is beauty, I dont consider the definition of a real monster. I just think halloween, costumes, green face and neckbolts...and black and white movie...this isnt Frankenstein...not the real one.

Creature of habit

This is probably just Part One of my habits:
I lock doors immediatly after entering my house, I put off laundry, I always seem to leave five minutes later than desired, I have the same ritual before i go to bed every night...blablabla...but...
I make a habit of forgetting these little important things. Like taking my new Axert migrane medication instead of Ibprofen when the headache is around. I have had it for months now, and in between then and now I've had several migranes. They've never made me dizzy, but its not good when i have to wear sunglasses at night. You would think i would try to conquer this thing by keeping the good stuff with me at all times...ready to kick migrane ass. Instead I think "ibprofen" for everything. I cant get past it. Eh, well i realize that i forget things all the time. Its a fight everyday. I feel like i have youth alzheimers...hm...maybe ADD. I'll be doing something, and in the process i forget what im doing. Then i sit there for a minute thinking hard (maybe thats why im getting more and more migranes :P ). Most of the time I'm pretty sure im just distracted by something else...a sound...an idea...something shiney...but other times...i think I'm accidentaly hitting the delete key in my brain and i have to go in and figure out how to recover. Also i tend to mix days up. I'll remember something that happend earlier in the day, and then after thinking about it for awhile, i realize it didnt happen that day, it happend anywhere from a day ago to a week ago...sometimes...its even from a dream. hehe...yes i have very very vivid dreams. If you are the least bit curious about my dreams go to http://roof-dweller.livejournal.com I think its my 3rd entry.

I also think too hard when i shouldnt. I had a migrane while i tried to post some things on moogle. Its not fun to analyze poetry when under the influence of a migrane. I became gradually more pessimistic about "Hymn to Intellectual Beauty." At first i pretty much was on the same page with everyone else in the class: beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But about the 4th readthrough, i thought the author was describing physical beauty and then the words took on a sarcastic form for me. I thought the poem wasnt at all about Intellectual Beauty but it was taking a stab on physical beauty, and named the title "Hymn to Intellectual Beauty" to spite it. I read the damn thing with a sarcastic and pissed off attitude in my mind about that 4th time through. Then I took Ibprofen, ate dinner...the whole time refusing to think about the poem...or anything. So i reread it later, no longer calling it "the damn thing" and I became comfortable with analyzing it. I chose not to think so hard again. I answered the question how I thought adaquate at the time, and any thoughts on it later I'll just keep to myself. I tend to change my viewpoint, i flipflop because i think too hard, and often i can add onto a viewpoint exponentially...so i dont want to confuse anyone who reads my posts, or make them read an entire novel of my opinions...EVENTUALLY in time, I will have more of an absolute opinion.

Lessons learned:
Take Axert
Dont think too hard
Dont think under the influence of a migrane
Probably shouldnt drive at night under the influence of a migrane on that note.
Alzheimers is spelled just so.
Look in to Ginko Biloba...and coffee
Do not drink fruitpunch Crystal Light while laying on your white comforter.

What's fresh air like? I've forgotten.

Can anyone else ice skate on their front lawn? I CAN!
My car is sporting its new snow camo this evening. I call it "ROCK HARD." Its not coming off anytime soon. I could use alittle fire and brimstone.
Other than that...and being couped up in my house for 5 days...gee I cant wait to skate to my classes tomorrow. I can scratch it off the ol' "things I must do before I die" list.

comfort zone

Well I'm thinkin' this online course is the best kind of english class i've ever had. why? well since you're so curious. . .In all other English classes I have always been quiet. I have usually kept my opinions to myself, unless I was put on the spot. I am reluctant to share my opinions because I fear that my opinions will be well...wrong. I know....they're opinions. And also when i have the nerve to verbally put myself out there, I usually get interrupted by those who have stronger voices, or who have been contributing to conversations since the beginning of the semester. But even though i know I am smart, I often feel stupid when I open my mouth. I'm a writer, but I'm not much for words. verbally or written down. i need plenty of time for reflection, that....and well i day dream. I have trouble staying focused in class when I let everyone else do the talking. I cant do that here. I am assigned to post. I am assigned to share an opinion. I have all the reflection time i need before i speak.

When I was reading the introduction to William Blake's Songs of Innocence I couldn't help but realize that writing down our words and our poetry gives them immortality, or a good chance at it. So I am trying to be very thoughtful in everything i write. I even write in my non-online journal as if it will be read by others. Why write in a journal if you dont ever want to share it? I'm often very happy when I write (the act itself makes me so. Im not always "happy" when I have the need to write), and like Blake I want to share my joys...unlike him I have to leave out the children . .heh. . .not for kiddies.

As a writer it is my duty to read so I can be a better writer. I've never been keenly interested in much in my English classes. But this online course has made me think about the works we discuss...and this week we have reflected on what it is to create a poem. Its been easy for me to see that kind of pattern in a work...and its actually kind of fun to pull it apart to find out what they're trying to say. Im learning how to write, and I'm learning how to put things together, images together, and thoughts together to get an emotion across that is universal. I'm directing the flow of thought when i write, and by reading other writer's works I'm seeing all the little veins spreading out from the main stream of their works. It is truly going to help me be a better writer when I consider how many levels of thought there is in every idea. Sometimes works are like puzzles, enigmatic, others are straightfoward, some are just plain beautiful and artistic in design, and some beg questions, and others just want to be heard. I want to learn the differences in all while I discover what i really want to write.

After reading and analyzing all that poetry, I get on a roll, and I cant stop...and I tend to think more clearly (which is wonderful because i need to get tested for ADD), and sometimes I analyze too much though. So I really hope I wont often do that.
If any of my classmates are reading this...because its online, i dont get a chance to really speak to any of you, so feel free to email me or comment or whatnot.